The Adventures of Nicolas Cage

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Overrated “actor” Nicolas Cage (pictured above in the only worthwhile film he ever made) and his wife gave birth on Monday to the couple’s first child together, a son they named Kal-el, as in the birth name of Superman. The child’s full name is Kal-el Coppola Cage, the middle name being a huge clue as to how it’s possible for such a terrible actor to get so much screen work.

Well, I hope the child develops some sort of super strength to avoid being savagely beaten at school for having such a name. Kal-el will be attacked by people who a) think his first name is stupid, b) hated Apocalypse Now and Francis’s sub-par wine collection, and c) just plain hate Nicolas Cage.

I’m gonna go one better than Mr. Cage on this one: my first child will be named Spiderman, regardless of its gender. Spiderman Coppola Hilton Rockefeller Getty Cawley. Now all I have to do is convince my wife to have kids.

- Nicolas Cage gives Superman’s birth name to son [Reuters]

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3 Responses to “The Adventures of Nicolas Cage”

  1. 3
    gene Says:

    Everybody’s a back seat baby-namer!

    10/05/2005, 09:03:00

  2. 2
    LostInThought Says:

    Spiderman Coppola Hilton Rockefeller Getty Gates Jobs Buffett Trump Icahn Bloomberg Corzine Cawley, you mean.

  3. 1
    Spiderman Coppola Hilton Rocke Says:

    Sorry, but that’s MY name!!! You can hyphonate the Spider-Man if you really have to do this.

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