The Adventures of Nicolas Cage

Overrated “actor” Nicolas Cage (pictured above in the only worthwhile film he ever made) and his wife gave birth on Monday to the couple’s first child together, a son they named Kal-el, as in the birth name of Superman. The child’s full name is Kal-el Coppola Cage, the middle name being a huge clue as to how it’s possible for such a terrible actor to get so much screen work.

Well, I hope the child develops some sort of super strength to avoid being savagely beaten at school for having such a name. Kal-el will be attacked by people who a) think his first name is stupid, b) hated Apocalypse Now and Francis’s sub-par wine collection, and c) just plain hate Nicolas Cage.

I’m gonna go one better than Mr. Cage on this one: my first child will be named Spiderman, regardless of its gender. Spiderman Coppola Hilton Rockefeller Getty Cawley. Now all I have to do is convince my wife to have kids.

- Nicolas Cage gives Superman’s birth name to son [Reuters]

3 Responses to The Adventures of Nicolas Cage

  1. Spiderman Coppola Hilton Rockefeller Getty Gates Jobs Buffett Trump Icahn Bloomberg Corzine Cawley, you mean.

  2. Sorry, but that’s MY name!!! You can hyphonate the Spider-Man if you really have to do this.

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